YUI Thoughts: Being the "Nice Guy"...Is It Really The Right Thing?

 Ever wondered what you get from being "the nice guy"? Does it really make people change their thoughts about us? Does it really make a difference? I discuss this after the break.




We're all brought up with an idea...an idea of which we should all be kind to whomever we interact with, whether it's friends, family, or even the vendor by the corner. It is an plausible idea indeed; a highly believable theory. Be nice to a person, and they will be kind to you as well. It's the reason why we've all been brainwashed with the phrase "Treat others the way you want to be treated". It's the reason why the French say "Un bienfait n'est jamais perdu"...a good deed is never lost. It is then, perhaps, for such reasons that I've lived fifteen years believing in that philosophy... I've smiled for countless days, no matter what mood I'm in. I've done anything I've been told to do, no matter how insane a favor might sound. I've tried to enlighten other people by buying presents, sending cards, and constantly starting a conversation. I've avoided saying things too directly, even if the subjected person is a complete utter moron. I've done countless things...but fifteen years later, in my down-right honest opinion, it seems like I've been trusting a fallacy all my life.

The truth is, the real side of the world manifests itself more as you grow older...as the belief of our "ideal world" peels away...one lie; one aggression; one deception...after another. When we're 3 years old, a smiling person indicates someone happy. When we're 12, a smiling person indicates someone who might be happy. But as we grow older, a smiling person has nothing to do with happiness. This may seem overly negative and a bit far-stretched, but it's the truth: When we see a person smile, we don't know what's really behind their well-built masks. Are they actually seething with anger? Are they actually weeping in despair? Are they actually scheming something evil? We can't really tell, yet there are people who aren't aware of that. I was one, I admit, and that indeed is quite ironic. Having been born and raised in a diplomatic family, I out of all people should know  best of how thick people's masks are these days. Social interaction these days just aren't as pure as they used to be...there probably aren't many people out there who don't get skeptical about one's true intentions. One would be surprised to see how our social values have dramatically changed over the years. It is, then, why being the "nice guy" in our current society just won't work anymore.

 Clean up the mess somebody else made; buy somebody a meaningful gift; help out on tasks you aren't part of...we'd normally think of these as actions of kindness. But are they? When somebody cleans up a mess that someone else made, that's called being a moron today. If you didn't do it, why clean it? Either you're trying to get that person's attention, or you're a complete idiot. If you buy someone a meaningful gift, it doesn't just mean you want to enlighten someone's life...it might mean you want something in return. If you're the opposite gender, then it might mean you're trying to attract the subjected person. Help out on tasks that you aren't even part of and you're automatically labeled a nosy person. or free labor. Yes, that did indeed sound very extreme, but honestly ask yourself: haven't you ever been skeptical about someone's actions?

And since I mentioned free labor, that would be the next aspect being covered. The thing is, even if they aren't skeptical, then people just tend to take your kindness for granted. "You're the nice guy! You SHOULD help out with this task that's not even your business. You SHOULDN'T get mad when I insult you. You SHOULD say nice things even if the truth is otherwise. People these days don't appreciate the art of kindness anymore...sure they might say "My! You're such a nice person!", but in reality, you're just being labelled as "the person who will always help out no matter what and will always say what I want to hear", not that they are aware of this themselves. There's nothing wrong about that, to be honest. I enjoy helping. I enjoy making people happy. But everyone's human...and that's something people tend to forget. Come a day that you're in a bad mood. You refuse to help. You make a sour comment. You make a bad joke. Pft! Now you're labelled as a two-face bastard. You're actually not as nice as you seem. You're the person I thought you were. You disappoint me. And you know what the ironic thing is? Say that there's a guy who's always making useless or abusive comments, never intending to help, or always arguing for their own opinions. One day, he decides to become a better person. He helps out. He says something nice. He buys a gift. And Pft! Oh my, he's actually a really nice person! And in the matter of seconds, your piles and piles of kindness is now nothing compared to the one deed of this person. You're the bastard, and he's the angel.

It's funny how ridiculous our society has become. Sure, a lot of you reading this might be staring at this article thinking "Why on earth am I on a blog that's so pessimist?". Indeed, what I've written above may seem (and probably is) over-the-top cynical. Not all people may be like that. Maybe some people do appreciate your kindness. Maybe there still is hope. Maybe. Life is, after all, full of maybes, and that's why we've all become so skeptical. But just ask yourself...what have you gained from being "the nice guy"? Exactly.

Now, don't take me wrong. I'm not telling you to go become a brat after reading this and later then start doing good things for people to approve you. No, no, no. I look down upon that. I really do. What I'm telling you, is that you (we) should stop being "The nice guy". In Chinese we call it the "Over-Excessively good person" (濫好人), because, well, I guess you'll eventually realize that there is a limit to how nice a person should be. The only one suffering will turn out to be you yourself. So don't just do whatever people tell you to do. Evaluate. You've got lots of homework? Then sorry, I can't help anyone. Not in a good mood? Then why should I cheer you up when I'm in a worse state? Be more reasonable. Don't just do what your heart tells you to do. Eventually, your heart will soon too adapt into the modern society, and soon enough, you'll be just like everyone else. It might not be what we've been told as a child, but it's the only way you'll survive our society today.